Telling through doing: Men’s illness narratives emerging in acts of paying it forward

Telling through doing: Men’s illness narratives emerging in acts of paying it forwardLiving with chronic illness leads some citizens to join peer-driven online groups where sharing illness narratives, exchanging knowledge about symptoms, treatment, and care strategies, produces a community in which connection with others “like you” becomes possible. However, for some men living with long-term illness, these kinds of sharing practices feel unnecessary, unpleasant, or even difficult to take part in. Some of the reasons for this reluctance appear to be rooted in the intersection of illness and masculinities. In other words, illness is not to be shared; it is to be kept private. Yet we know from research that sharing one’s illness experiences – and witnessing others’ – can have a healing effect and help make life with long-term illness more bearable. Based on 17 individual interviews with men aged 27–63 living with chronic illness, this paper investigates how one way of sharing illness narratives occurs through mentoring and acts of paying it forward. This mode of sharing and showing vulnerability becomes necessary, meaningful, and not at all difficult, due to a deep-felt commitment to helping others and “leading the way.” Thus, telling through doing becomes a legitimate way for men to share their illness narratives and show vulnerability, while simultaneously performing traditional masculine ideals of supporting, caring for others, and taking the lead. As one participant puts it: “My strength is my vulnerability. And I’m damn proud of that!” The paper draws on Connell’s hegemonic masculinity to explain why men tend to avoid sharing illness stories, and from a hybrid understanding of masculinity to show how caring and mentoring can be incorporated without challenging masculine status. Arthur Frank’s work further illuminates how mentoring becomes a form of witnessing others’ suffering, making vulnerability possible through action rather than confession.