The burden of mothering amid post-separation abuse: Norwegian mothers’ lived experiences and the ‘good mother’ ideal

Separation or divorce might escalate intimate partner violence. This study contributes to emerging research on the lived experiences of mothers dealing with post-separation abuse. The aims are (1) to explore what situational and relational tasks mothers are navigating in the context of partner abuse, and based on the findings, (2) to discuss how their experiences are related to social norms of mothering. To develop rich data, open-ended interviews were conducted with eight Norwegian mothers. Thematic analysis revealed interrelated, complex and difficult tasks of living with post-separation abuse, which required navigating unpredictability and disorderly lives, co-parenting with abusive former partners, dealing with stressful ordeals with professionals and persistent claims of being unfit mothers. The findings suggest that mothers’ lived experiences take place within exceptionally high cultural and institutional standards of all-encompassing mothering, and the individual, relational and societal burdens are high. Conceptually, the article contributes by illuminating how post-separation abuse must be understood not only as intimate partner violence but also as a gendered, normative struggle shaped by dominant cultural ideals of ‘good’ mothering. The research highlights the need for social work to acknowledge and understand women’s experiences, their strengths and their resourcefulness while advocating for structural change.