Shattered and Rebuilt: How Trauma Transformed My Research in International Relations

This essay recounts a stark, involuntary reinvention of my academic identity following a politically motivated targeting in 2017. Confronted with public accusations and legal scrutiny, my intellectual pursuits in poststructuralist and postcolonial theory became untenable. I detail the subsequent survival-driven shift to empirical, quantitative research. This narrative explores the multifaceted costs—intellectual, personal, and professional—as well as the unexpected gains of this transformation. It serves as a testament to the profound impact of external pressures on academic choices and challenges, offering a rare glimpse into the complex interplay between personal trauma and scholarly evolution within the field of political science.